


What You Said About God

by RonRos47



Category: Joan of Arcadia
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 05:16:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20651810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RonRos47/pseuds/RonRos47
Summary: Joan and her mom finally have a serious talk about God.





	What You Said About God

**Author's Note:**

> I had always hoped that in a season 3 we would have gotten Joan and her mom finally confronting each other about God especially given her mom's conversion to Catholicism. I figured by at that point she would have been more open and didn't think Joan was crazy as before.
> 
> Sucks we never got that. Even after all these years I still miss the show.

[Previous Day- via episode 2x21]

Helen looked at her daughter, “If Adam makes a bad choice…”

“But I had something to do with it right?” Joan asked, “I mean we’re all connected like the scarf. One piece of yarn. If you cut it up into little pieces, it’s useless. Can’t make anything out of it. I am responsible, partly. We all are. For everything we touch and everything that touches us."

Her parents looked at her.

“Where did this come from,” asked her dad.

“God.” Joan turned to look at them. “Isn’t that what God says, mom?” She turned away, “Right, sorry, probably just low blood sugar.”

*****

[The following evening]

“How’s the homework going?” Helen asked as Joan sat at the table with her books in front of her.

“Not so bad actually,” Joan answered. Joan proceeded to talk about her homework.

“Joan,” said her mom, “There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”

“Mom, if this is about Adam I already told you we’re fine. Okay we are more than fine, well not more than fine, we’re friends I guess. I’m still trying to figure out what we are.”

“No, no,” her mom said as she came and took a seat next to Joan, “it’s not about that. It’s about what you said yesterday morning. What you said about you know, God.”

Joan hesitated for a second, “Mom it was nothing, I told you it was just low blood sugar.”

“No I know. I just have to ask, are you seeing him again?”

“No, why would you even think that.”

“Well it’s just you seemed so serious.”

“Mom, like I said it was low blood sugar.”

“Because if you are you know we can get you some help, maybe see doctor Dan again.”

“I’m not crazy!”

“I’m not saying that honey. I guess I’m just trying to understand why you would bring him up. I know my religion has gotten in the way of things so that’s probably has something to do with it.”

“It’s not like that.”

Helen noticed the change of tone in her daughter’s voice.

“Then help me out here Joan. I’m trying to understand.”

“What do you want me to tell you?”

“The truth for one. I know last year you said you had your reasons for doing the things you do and I respected that, I kept my boundaries but Joan you keep doing these things that don’t make sense.”

“Does it matter, I mean things turn out okay.”

“You’re right they do but that’s what I don’t understand. I just don’t get any of it and I thought you didn’t believe in God.”

Joan sighed. She thought back to the other night at the ranger station when she got mad at God and told him how their secret life was messing everything up. He told her she could share him with anyone but all Joan was afraid of was being sent back to crazy camp. She had tried the whole talking about God thing and it got her nowhere. 

Now her mom was genuinely asking. She wasn’t looking at her like she was crazy and she wasn’t downplaying it that way either. 

“Joan,” said her mom, “talk to me. What is going on?”

Joan tried to hold back the tears that she could feel were coming. “I don’t know how,” she said.

“Try.”

Joan took a deep breath. “You um, you just asked me that you didn’t think I believed in God. Well I didn’t, not at first anyways. That um, that night of Kevin’s accident when we were headed to the hospital, I um, I was saying these things in my head, bargaining really. I don’t know who to, I was just making all of these promises that I would keep if Kevin lived. I didn’t think anyone heard, I didn’t think there was anyone to hear.”

“But there was?”

“Yeah. Mom, I swear I wasn’t making up God last year okay, he’s real. All those things I’ve been doing are because of him. After I got back from crazy camp I tried to ignore him but that didn’t end well.”

“It didn’t end well how?”

“When Judith passed out at the party I could’ve stopped her but I didn’t. I just had to keep my eyes open and I ignored that.”

“So it’s like that thread you were talking about, how we’re all connected right?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Okay so you talk to God. Well I guess I can get that. I mean it’s not all that far-fetched. A lot of people talk to God.”

“Mom, I don’t just talk to God. I can see him.”

“You can see God?”

“Yes.”

“As in actually see him?”

“Yes. And I know, I know it sounds crazy but I am not crazy. I have had to live with this for two years. You don’t know how hard it’s been or how much I’ve hated keeping this from you or from anyone.”

“So no one else knows?”

“Well I kind of told Adam but we don’t really talk about it. I’m not even sure if I’d want to anymore.”

“You told Adam?”

“Yeah. I mean at first he didn’t believe me but apparently he does now since he did a lot of reading about it over the summer but the point is, it is real.”

Joan’s mom smiled, “I believe you honey.”

“Wait, you do?”

“Yeah. After all of this stuff I’ve learned in catechism I’ve come to believe in God and while Lily may disagree about God being an actual human being and I believe in my daughter.”

“Thank you mom.”

“So what exactly does God look like, is he really like that teenage boy I saw in my dream?”

Joan smiled, “Yeah that’s one. Sometimes he comes to me in different forms, different people. He was there at the forest station when Adam was missing as a ranger, he’s been a few teenagers at school like that one with the makeup and spikey hair.”

“That was him,” said Joan’s mom as her eyes widened.

“Yeah.”

“God has a goth like appearance.”

Joan shrugged, “he likes to keep things interesting.”

“So all of these tasks then I take it they’re going to keep happening?”

“Well I prefer them to be assignments but yeah I’m pretty sure they’re going to keep happening which kind of sucks but I’ve gotten used to it.”

“Guess I can thank him for that then.”

“For what?”

“For all of the good work you’ve been doing. You told God you’d keep up your grades?”

Joan nodded, “and he’s holding me to that one.”

“Another one I can thank him for then. Come here, sweetheart,” Helen said as she brought Joan in for a hug. “I love you, Joan. I’m glad you could tell me.”

“Me too. I love you mom.”

When they pulled away Joan wiped away some tears. “You’re not going to tell dad all of this are you?”

“No. Let’s just keep this between us. It’s better if we don’t change his reality yet. He likes normal too much.”

Joan laughed, “Yeah and you’re okay with the whole not normal thing?”

“I think I can get used to it.”

The two of them smiled. Joan was relieved now to have someone to talk to. Last year had been last year. Sure she always feared going back to crazy camp but now she had someone on her side, someone other than God and someone whom she could trust. She wouldn’t have to be in this alone anymore. Whatever God threw at her next she believed she would be that much stronger because she had an ally on her side. Joan was also happy that that ally happened to be her own mom. They had their share of mother daughter moments but now this was one secret that was much more powerful than the rest. She was relieved that her mom no longer thought she was crazy.

“What’s for dinner,” Kevin said as he came into the kitchen, “I’m starving.”

“Right,” said their mom as she stood up, “I’ll get right on it.”

Kevin looked to her and then Joan. “Everything okay?”

Joan and her mom looked at each other, their eyes beaming. “Yeah,” said Joan, “Yeah everything’s good.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed the story.


End file.
